Dear Someone: You are not asking for too much by wanting to feel wanted, desired, and emotionally connected in your relationship.

If you've found yourself in a relationship where you feel unwanted, undesired, or emotionally neglected despite your kindness and genuine interest, I invite you to read this.

Dear, Dear Someone, _

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves caught in a relationship that feels off-balance, discordant, and painfully misaligned. This letter is for you if you've ever found yourself in a situation where, despite your best efforts, you feel unwanted, undesired, or emotionally neglected.

It's a peculiar kind of pain, isn't it? To offer your kindness, honesty, and genuine interest, only to be met with indifference or, worse, deliberate acts that make you question your worth. You might find yourself wondering why someone would go out of their way to make you feel small, unimportant, or less than you are.

Perhaps you've experienced backhanded compliments that leave you feeling more insulted than praised. Or maybe you've noticed a complete absence of compliments, leaving you to wonder if there's anything about you they find praiseworthy at all. You might have felt the sting of watching them deliberately stare at other women when you're together, or listened with a heavy heart as they talk about other women to you. The dates might have become less thoughtful, less special over time, as if you're no longer worth the effort.

And yet, paradoxically, they don't want you to leave. They keep you close, but at arm's length, withholding the emotional connection and affection you crave. It's a confusing, hurtful situation that can leave you questioning everything – your attractiveness, your worth, and your understanding of relationships.

First and foremost, I want you to know that this behaviour is not a reflection of your worth. It's not about you being "not enough." It's about them and their own internal struggles, insecurities, and possibly, their manipulative tendencies.

So why do some people, particularly some men, behave this way? There could be several reasons:

1. Insecurity: Sometimes, people who feel insecure about themselves try to bring others down to feel better. By making you feel undesired, they might be trying to keep you from realizing that you could do better.

2. Control: By keeping you off-balance and uncertain, they maintain a sense of control in the relationship. If you're always trying to earn their approval, they hold the power.

3. Fear of Intimacy: Some people push others away when they get too close. They might want the benefits of a relationship without the vulnerability that comes with true emotional intimacy.

4. Past Trauma: Their behavior could be a result of their own past hurts or negative experiences in relationships.

5. Narcissism: In some cases, this behavior might be indicative of narcissistic tendencies, where they need to feel superior and in control.

6. Commitment Issues: They might be trying to keep you around while also keeping their options open, hence the mixed signals.

Understanding these potential reasons doesn't excuse their behavior, but it can help you see that their actions are about their own issues, not your value as a person.

Now, let's talk about you. You, who have been kind, honest, and interested. You, who have given your heart openly and genuinely. You, who deserve so much more than what you're receiving in this relationship.

It's time to shift your focus from trying to understand or change their behavior to honoring your own worth and needs. Ask yourself:

• Does this relationship make me feel valued and loved?

• Am I compromising my self-esteem by accepting this treatment?

• Do I find myself constantly seeking approval or validation from my partner?

• Have I lost sight of my own worth in trying to prove it to someone else?

• Am I staying in this relationship out of love, or out of fear of being alone?

These are challenging questions, but they're crucial for your emotional well-being and growth. Remember, a healthy relationship should lift you up, not tear you down. It should add to your life, not diminish your sense of self.

If you find that you're consistently feeling unwanted or undesired in your relationship, it's time to take action. Here are some steps you can consider:

1. Communicate: Sometimes, people might not realize how their actions are affecting you. Have an open, honest conversation about how you feel. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without accusing.

2. Set Boundaries: Make it clear what kind of treatment is and isn't acceptable to you. Stick to these boundaries consistently.

3. Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist. Having a support system can provide perspective and emotional strength.

4. Focus on Self-Love: Invest time and energy into activities and relationships that make you feel valued and appreciated. Reconnect with your passions and interests.

5. Consider Couples Therapy: If your partner is willing, professional help might provide tools to improve your communication and relationship dynamics.

6. Be Prepared to Walk Away: If despite your efforts, nothing changes, be ready to choose yourself. Remember, staying in a relationship where you consistently feel unwanted is more lonely than being single.

As you navigate this challenging situation, always remember:

1. Your worth is inherent. It doesn't increase or decrease based on someone else's ability to see it.

2. You deserve to be with someone who is excited to be with you, who makes you feel wanted and cherished.

3. Love shouldn't feel like a constant struggle or a one-sided effort.

4. It's okay to prioritize your emotional well-being over a relationship that consistently makes you feel less than.

5. The right person will value your kindness, honesty, and interest. They won't take these qualities for granted.

This journey of self-discovery and self-worth can be challenging, but it's also incredibly empowering. As you start to recognize and honor your own value, you'll find that you naturally gravitate towards relationships and situations that reflect that value back to you.

Remember, you are not asking for too much by wanting to feel wanted, desired, and emotionally connected in your relationship. These are fundamental aspects of a healthy, loving partnership. You deserve nothing less.

So, dear reader, if you find yourself in a situation where you're constantly made to feel unwanted or undesired, take this as your sign. It's time to reclaim your power, to remember your worth, and to create space in your life for the love and respect you truly deserve.

You are worthy of love – real, genuine, affirming love. Don't settle for less. The moment you start treating yourself with the kindness and respect you've been giving to others, you'll find that the world around you begins to reflect that back.

Your journey towards self-worth and authentic love starts now. Embrace it with courage and hope.

With unwavering belief in your worth,
Ali Papa.

P.S. The right person won't make you question your value – they'll be too busy cherishing it.

—Thank you for taking the time to read my letters.

If you love this letter, you’ll love my books. They are written for you, to warm your heart and soul. They are written for broken hearts of all shapes and sizes. They are full of good things—everything I have been wanting to say to you and they are available for FREE download to all tribe members.

If you were unable to find yourself in today's letter, you don't have to worry. Tell me what you feel here, and I will write you a personal letter. The same God who can help you get by in life can also help you excel in life.

—Who is Ali Papa?

I'm a husband, father, friend, and merchant of faith, hope, and love, crafting heartfelt letters for every season and story. Writing to you is more than a hobby for me. It's a passion, a calling, and a way of life. I pour my heart and soul into every letter I send you, hoping to inspire you, inform you, heal with compassion, illuminate paths, instill courage, uplift spirits, spread positivity, and connect with sincerity.

My wish is that you continue to find the words that express your deepest and strongest emotions from them, regardless of the circumstances, and that you keep experiencing life, love, freedom, and fulfilment in your relationship. I live in Port Harcourt with my supportive wife and three adorable kids, who teach me the value of love every day.