Dear Someone: Stop explaining yourself to people who’ve already made up their minds.
Let peace be your response. You don’t owe clarity to those committed to misunderstanding you.
Dear, Dear Someone, _
Let me share a story that still echoes in my memory.
There was a girl I knew in college—bright, brilliant, and unapologetically different. Her fashion turned heads, her opinions stirred debate, and her kindness often confused those who mistook confidence for arrogance.
One day, I overheard her explaining—again—why she believed so deeply in second chances. Someone had accused her of being “too soft,” saying she needed to “toughen up” if she wanted to survive this world.
She didn’t flinch.
But over lunch, she sighed and said to me,
“I keep trying to explain myself to people who don’t even want to understand me.”
I asked, “Then why do you keep doing it?”
She stared out the window and whispered,
“Because a part of me still wants to be seen clearly… even by the wrong eyes.”
That moment changed something in me.
We don’t talk enough about the exhaustion of constantly shrinking, rewording, and reframing ourselves for people who’ve already built their own version of who we are. People who are more invested in misunderstanding us than truly knowing us.
It’s like pouring water into a basket and wondering why nothing stays.
We live in a world quick to judge and slow to listen. And if you’re not careful, you’ll spend years trying to prove you’re not who they say you are—instead of growing deeper into who you truly are.
Sometimes, silence is your protection. And sometimes, the best way to keep your peace is to let them keep their conclusions—while you keep your energy.
So let me remind you of something:
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your softness, your strength, your healing, your decisions, or your contradictions. Especially not those who’ve already decided you’re too much—or not enough.
You are not a courtroom.
You are not a press release.
You are not a rebranding campaign.
You are a whole human being—constantly unfolding, constantly learning, constantly redefining.
And the people meant to walk with you?
They won’t need subtitles to understand your heart.
They’ll get it. And if they don’t? They’ll want to.
As for the rest?
Let them talk.
Let them twist.
Let them misunderstand.
Your job is not to convince them.
Your job is to keep becoming.
You don’t need to explain your heart to those who’ve already made up their minds about you. Let them misunderstand. Let them talk. You are not for everyone, and that’s okay. The right people will feel your soul without needing a full translation. Keep growing. Keep becoming. Let peace be your response.
If this spoke to you, forward it to someone who’s been misunderstood too. Let’s keep growing—quietly, courageously, and unapologetically.
Until next time,
Keep becoming.
—Ali Papa.
Author of Letters of Woe and an ever-growing library of books
Conveyor of the Vistas of Hope Newsletter
Shepherd of Wayward Wanderer
—Little Reminder:
Some people only listen to reply, not to understand. Don’t lose yourself trying to clarify your worth to ears that were never open in the first place.
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