Dear Someone: Love shouldn't feel like loneliness. You deserve to be seen, not just tolerated.
Read this if you're holding on to a love that makes you feel more alone than being alone ever could, if you’ve forgotten what it feels like to be truly loved for who you are.
Dear, Dear Someone, _
The loneliest feeling isn’t being alone—it’s being unseen in the presence of someone who should know you best.
There’s a unique kind of ache that comes from lying beside someone who touches your skin but never reaches your soul, from hearing your name spoken yet never truly being asked how your heart is doing. It’s the slow, quiet erosion of connection disguised as companionship.
This letter is for you—you who stay in a love that no longer sees you. You who mistake routine for intimacy. You who laugh at memories instead of making new ones. You who wonder when silence became the loudest part of your relationship. You who feel the weight of abandonment but call it devotion. You who hold on, hoping they’ll finally notice you. You who fear leaving more than you fear being invisible.
But let me tell you something: love is not supposed to feel like this.
Love is not supposed to feel like waiting endlessly for a hand that never reaches back. It is not supposed to feel like shrinking yourself just to fit into the narrow spaces someone has left for you. It is not supposed to feel like pouring every ounce of your being into a cup that never fills, never overflows, never gives back.
Love is not supposed to be silent when your soul is screaming for connection. It is not supposed to feel like an unanswered question, like a door half-open but never wide enough to let you in. You deserve more than being someone's almost, someone's afterthought, someone's convenience.
You deserve a love that looks at you and truly sees you—not just the version of you that is convenient, not just the parts of you that serve a purpose, but all of you. The messy you. The vulnerable you. The you that sometimes doubts your worth but still shows up, heart wide open, hoping for something real.
You deserve a love that sees you. A love that does not need reminders to cherish you. A love that meets you where you are, not where it is convenient for them. You deserve to be felt, not just in passing touches but in the way someone leans in when you speak, in the way they protect your heart as if it were their own.
Love should never feel like reaching for a hand that never reaches back. It should not leave you questioning your worth or wondering if you are asking for too much simply by desiring to be seen, heard, and held—not just in body, but in soul. The deepest loneliness is not found in solitude; it is found in the company of someone who has stopped choosing you, yet still asks you to stay.
You wake up beside them, but there is a distance that no amount of closeness can bridge. You hear their voice, but the words no longer carry warmth. You laugh together, but the joy is borrowed from old memories rather than created in new moments. You try to hold onto what was, but every time you reach, your hands close around emptiness.
You replay the conversations that never happened. The questions they never asked. The concern they never showed. You convince yourself that maybe if you try harder, love harder, shrink yourself into something easier to hold, they will finally see you again. But love should not require you to disappear in order to fit.
You sit in the silence, hoping they will notice. Hoping they will remember the version of you they once cherished. But all you get is routine disguised as commitment, obligation mistaken for care. And so you stay—not because you are happy, but because leaving feels like admitting that all you have poured into this love was in vain.
But tell me, dear one, what is more heartbreaking: walking away from someone who no longer chooses you or staying and slowly losing yourself? What is lonelier: an empty bed or a full one where you still feel unseen? What is more painful: mourning the love you wished for or accepting that it was never truly there? What takes more strength: holding on to a fading connection or letting go so you can make space for the love you truly deserve?
I know it’s hard to let go of the love you thought you had. I know it’s hard to admit that the person you once cherished may no longer cherish you. I know it’s hard to walk away from the memories, the promises, the moments that once made you feel alive. But staying in a place where you are unseen is not loyalty—it is self-abandonment.
Again, I know leaving feels impossible. It feels like cutting off a part of yourself, like walking into uncertainty with nothing but hope that something better exists. But what if I told you that love should not feel like survival? That love should not be something you endure, but something you are nourished by?
Ask yourself this: When did you stop being a partner and start being a placeholder? When did you start measuring your worth by how much you could endure rather than how much you could thrive? When did you begin to believe that love was something you had to earn instead of something you inherently deserve?
You don’t have to stay in a love that makes you feel small. You don’t have to stay in a love that leaves you questioning your value. You don’t have to stay in a love that only exists in the past tense.
If you stay, stay because you are loved the way you deserve. If you leave, leave knowing that love—true love—is not supposed to feel like this. It is not supposed to feel like waiting for someone to remember that you matter.
Remember this: You are not too much. You are not asking for too much. Wanting to be seen, heard, and valued is not a flaw—it is the most human desire there is. Love—real love—does not require you to beg for the bare minimum. It does not leave you waiting in the cold, hoping for breadcrumbs of affection. It does not ask you to be patient while it decides if you are worth the effort.
And the right love, the love that truly sees you, will never make you question your worth. The right love will meet you where you are, without conditions, without reservations, without making you feel like you’re hard to love.
So, dear someone, let go of the love that dims your light. Let go of the love that leaves you feeling empty. Let go of the love that makes you forget who you are.
Because there is a love out there that will celebrate you, cherish you, and honor you for exactly who you are. There is a love out there that will make you feel seen—not because you had to scream for attention, but because your quiet presence is enough.
There will come a day when you will be loved effortlessly. When your presence will not feel like a weight but a gift. When you will not have to fight to be seen, because the right heart will recognize you immediately.
And until that love finds you, be that love for yourself. Choose yourself. Hold yourself gently. Speak to yourself kindly. Remind yourself daily that you are worthy of the kind of love that doesn’t just touch your skin but touches your soul. Because the loneliest place you can ever be is in a love that no longer has room for you.
This is not the end of your story. This is the beginning of your awakening. You do not have to be unseen anymore.
With all the love your heart deserves,
—Ali Papa.
Author of Letters of Woe and an ever-growing library of books
Conveyor of the Vistas of Hope Newsletter
Shepherd of Wayward Wanderer
P.S.— One day, you will look back at this moment and realize that staying was never about love; it was about fear. And fear is no reason to stay where love is no longer present. You will look back on this moment and realize it wasn’t the breaking that defined you—it was the rebuilding. You will carry the lessons, but you will also carry hope. And one day, when you are truly seen by the right person, you’ll understand why you had to leave those who couldn’t see you behind. You'll understand why the love you crave is not a fantasy—it is real, it is possible, and it is waiting for you beyond the place where you are merely tolerated. Keep going. You are worth it.
—Links to the Past
Dive into the highlights of the week with my curated selection of newsletters. Whether you missed them or want to revisit the insights, here's your chance to catch up on all the essential updates and vistas of hope:
Dear Someone: Love shouldn't hurt like this.
Read this if you've ever loved someone to the point of pain, if your emotions feel like a storm you can't control, or if you're carrying the weight of a love that is both your joy and your torment.
Dear Someone: Your worth isn't measured by the order in which people choose you, but by the depth and authenticity of the love you're capable of giving.
Read this if you're carrying the weight of always being the next chapter instead of the first, if you're wondering why you've never been someone's beginning.
Dear Someone: Your deep capacity for love isn't a curse - It's your most beautiful gift
Read this if you're exhausted from loving too intensely in a world that seems to love too casually, if you're tired of feeling like everyone you hold close is slowly slipping away.
Dear Someone: Your peace is not negotiable, your worth is not debatable.
Read this if you've had to walk away from someone you deeply loved, if you're caught between missing who they were and accepting who they became.
Dear Someone: May you have the courage to take off the mask, to let others see the real you.
A prayer for when you are done emotionally, drained mentally, but smiling physically.
—Links to Notes
Explore this collection of life lessons, reflections, and borrowed wisdoms I've gathered throughout the week. Whether you’re catching up or revisiting thoughtful moments, here’s your chance to delve into these notes and sparks of inspiration:
This letter is a tribute to all the souls who wander in the shadows of curiosity, who question if my words are meant for them. You are the ones who inspire me, who fill my pages with your stories, your hopes, your fears. You are the ones who make me feel less alone, who share this journey with me, who breathe life into my letters. This letter is for you, and only you.
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