How to Heal and Move On from Your Past Relationship Mistakes

Learning from your past relationship mistakes can help you grow and avoid repeating them in the future.

This letter is adapted from the book, Reliable. If you want to read more of these letters, you can get your e-copy of the book here. Or you can sign up for the newsletter and get them in your inbox for free or a small fee. And if you like what I do, you can support me with a donation. Thanks!

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Dear Someone,

If you're reading this, chances are you've been through a painful breakup and you're feeling lost, hurt, angry, confused, or even guilty about what went wrong. You may be wondering what went wrong, how you could have prevented it, and what you can do to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.

I know how you feel and how tempting it is to blame your ex for everything that happened and ignore your own role in the relationship's downfall. But trust me, that's not going to help you heal or grow. Irrespective of how much of your time and energy were invested in this relationship, don't let any negative emotions consume you.

One of the best ways to heal from a breakup, move on, and find happiness again is to take an honest look at yourself and your past relationships. Instead of dwelling on the past, you need to reflect on what you did well and what you could have done better. You need to learn from your mistakes and use them as opportunities for improvement.

Doing this is not about blaming yourself or your ex for everything that happened, but rather about taking responsibility for your own actions and choices. By doing this, you can avoid repeating the same patterns in the future and find a healthier and happier relationship.

I'm not sending you this letter to judge you or blame you for anything. I'm not sending it to make you feel guilty or ashamed, either. I'm sending this to help you move on and heal. I am sending this to help you gain some insight and perspective, knowing how hard it is to let go of someone you loved.

While they may not be universal truths, they are personal lessons—some of the insights and wisdom that I gained from my experiences—and some of the things I wish I had done differently in my past relationships. These are mistakes I want you to avoid making so that you can find true happiness and love.

So, before I share with you some things you should consider when reflecting on your past relationship mistakes, I need to warn you that this letter is not for everyone and may not apply to your situation at all. Maybe you're already in a great relationship, or maybe you're not interested in dating right now. And that's totally fine.