Dear Someone: Have you ever loved someone who made everyone else feel seen—except you?
Read this if you’ve ever felt invisible in your own relationship and if your unspoken silence screams of unmet needs and misplaced loyalties.
The letter you're about to read is adapted from my book Unspoken Silences — a deeply personal collection of letters that give voice to the emotions we often bury. If you've ever felt like your love was an afterthought, or your presence was optional in someone's life, this one will hit home. It's raw, it's reflective, and it just might say what your heart has been trying to whisper for years. Keep reading—your silence is not alone.
Dear, Dear Someone, _
Do you remember the day I realized I wasn't your priority? It wasn't a sudden epiphany, but a slow, painful awakening to the truth that had been there all along. How many times did I watch you choose the feelings of others over mine, always ready with an excuse, always painting yourself as the good guy who couldn't bear to hurt anyone?
I wonder if you ever understood the pain you caused by trying to please everyone. Did you not see how your attempts to spare others' feelings were slowly chipping away at mine? Each time you chose to comfort another woman over me, each time you prioritized their needs over ours, a little piece of my trust in you crumbled away.
Why couldn't you prioritize my feelings over others'?
How many nights did I lie awake, questioning my worth in your eyes? Was I not deserving enough of your protection, your loyalty? I replay our conversations in my mind, searching for the moment when I should have realized that your fear of conflict would always outweigh your commitment to me.
Do you know what it's like to constantly feel like you're competing for your partner's attention and loyalty? To always be second-guessing whether you're overreacting or if your feelings are valid? I lived in that state of uncertainty for so long, never quite sure if I could rely on you to have my back when it really mattered.
I used to admire your kindness, your desire to make everyone happy. But at what cost did that come? How many times did you sacrifice our relationship on the altar of being liked by everyone else? Your inability to set boundaries, to sometimes be the "bad guy" for the sake of us, it spoke volumes about where I truly stood in your life.
Remember when I asked you to distance yourself from that friend who always seemed to need you at the most inconvenient times? How you told me I was being unreasonable, that you couldn't just cut people off? I wonder now if you ever considered how your actions were slowly cutting me off, severing the trust and security that should have been the foundation of our relationship.
I find myself questioning every memory now. Were there signs I missed? Moments when I should have spoken up more forcefully, demanded the respect and priority I deserved? Or was I always fighting a losing battle against your need to be everyone's hero, everyone's friend, at the expense of being my partner?
Do you ever think about the damage your indecision caused? How your attempts to avoid hurting others ended up hurting me the most? I gave you my heart, my trust, my vulnerability, and in return, I got a partner who couldn't stand firm beside me when it mattered most.
I wonder if you'll ever understand what it means to truly prioritize someone's feelings. To make the hard choices, to sometimes be disliked or misunderstood by others, all for the sake of protecting and nurturing the relationship you've committed to. Will you ever learn that lesson, or are you doomed to repeat this pattern, leaving a trail of hurt and disappointment in your wake?
As I write this, I realize that I'm no longer angry, just profoundly sad. Sad for the relationship we could have had if you'd been brave enough to put us first. Sad for the trust and love that withered under the shadow of your people-pleasing. But most of all, I'm sad that I stayed so long, hoping you'd change, when I should have been brave enough to prioritize my own feelings and walk away.
Your fear of hurting others became the very thing that hurt me the most.
Seeking a love that dares to stand firm,
—Ali Papa.
Author of Letters of Woe and an ever-growing library of books
Conveyor of the Vistas of Hope Newsletter
Shepherd of Wayward Wanderer
—Sacred Silences:
Dear God,
I come before You with a heart heavy with confusion and hurt. Why did I allow myself to accept less than I deserved for so long? Lord, I struggle to understand how someone who claimed to love me could consistently prioritize the feelings of others over mine. Help me to see the lesson in this pain, to understand my own worth and the kind of love I truly deserve.
Heavenly Father, I find myself at a crossroads of forgiveness and self-preservation. Part of me wants to empathize with his inability to set boundaries, to understand his fear of conflict. Yet another part of me is angry and hurt, feeling betrayed by his lack of loyalty. Guide me, Lord, in navigating these complex emotions. Grant me the wisdom to forgive without compromising my self-respect, and the strength to hold onto the lessons learned from this experience.
Almighty God, as I move forward from this relationship, I ask for Your guidance in healing and growth. Help me to recognize and value a partner who is not afraid to prioritize our relationship, even when it means making difficult choices. Lord, guard my heart against settling for less than I deserve, and grant me the patience to wait for a love that is brave, loyal, and true. May this painful chapter in my life become a stepping stone to a future filled with genuine love and mutual respect. Strengthen my resolve to never again compromise my worth for someone else's comfort.
Amen!
💔 You stayed longer than you should have, didn’t you? Hoped longer. Explained more. Tried to understand someone who rarely tried to understand you. And now, you're here—tired, but wiser.
If this letter pulled at something deep inside you, Unspoken Silences will hold that ache and speak into it. Don’t let your silence go unheard.
→ Begin your healing 👇
Unspoken Silences is filled with letters that echo the words you couldn’t say. Every page is a quiet reckoning, a hand on your shoulder, a voice that says, "You're not crazy. You’re not alone."
Let these pages hold your truth and may you find a love that holds your feelings sacred, even when faced with difficult choices.
Download yours now because your feelings deserve to be prioritized too.
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